Today, when calling out of work, I was told by my boss that I was "full of shit" before he hung up. I actually am. I haven't pooped in almost four days.
Today, I woke up super early to get ready for a wedding an hour away. I'm a bridesmaid, and also 8 months pregnant. The dress that fit me perfectly 3 days ago won't fit anymore.
Today, I called the cops on my neighbor's millionth extremely loud alcoholic party. Music stopped before the cop showed up and resumed 10 minutes later. It's 1:30am and still going.
Today, my husband still hadn't gotten me anything for Christmas, so I bought and wrapped my own presents. Then I had my husband write 'to me, from him' on them so that I won't be embarrassed in front of my family on Christmas when it comes time to open presents.
Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming.
Today, I had guests over for a Christmas party. One of them wore new blue jeans and managed to get large dye stains on three different walls. They won't come off. Guess who has to paint his living room again.
Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice.
Today, my 70-year-old boss asked me to order sexy lingerie she saw on the cover a magazine.
Today, I received an email telling me that the t-shirt I ordered almost a month ago as a Christmas present for my brother had finally been delivered. Unfortunately, it was delivered to my college dorm, which is 2 hours away. I won't be able to pick it up until mid-January.
Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too.
Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles.
Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in.